Discipline without yelling or spanking

Lynne Reeves Griffin, author of the new book ‘‘Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment,’’ doesn’t believe in spanking, yelling, negotiating - or even giving children time outs. Griffin doesn’t think any of these punishments work. It may sound as if Griffin advocates a hands-off parenting approach, but her strategy for getting kids to behave is exactly the opposite.

According to Griffin, parents need to set firm non-negotiable limits for their children, explain to their kids what those limits are and then help them follow through. And if kids try to test those limits, parents shouldn’t talk. Instead, they should avoid discussion, expect their kids to behave and take action to make sure they do. For example, if a child is supposed to turn off the TV and come to dinner, for example, don’t call him 10 times and tell him repeatedly to turn off the television. Tell him once and then step over and turn off the TV, Griffin said.

Let's try it out to see if this suggestion works.

How can I work with the school to make sure my child gets the most out of math? Just like your child, schools need your support—especially in the middle school years. Since choice made in middle school determine high school courses that either increase or limit future eduation and career opportunities, your participation is critical.

One person that you should get to know is your child's math teacher. Working with you and your child, the teacher can help you decide how the best way forward for your child to learn mathematics. Let them know that you want to participate in making decisions. How do you begin? Ask questions. After all, you have a right to know. Find out if your child is getting the same opportunities in math as everyone else. Ask if a plan is already in place for your child's future math classes.
• What textbook and other materials will you use this year?
• How much homework can we expect?
• Is it okay if my child works with other students on homework?
• How should my child make up work after an absence?
• How do you determine grades?
• What graded work will be sent home?
• How often and when will you send home a formal report about my child?
• How do I schedule a parent-teacher conference?
• What, if any, standardized tests in math will my child take this year?
• What can I do to help you?
• What math classes are available?
• Do all students take the same math classes? If not, how are students placed in different classes?
• What's the next math class my child will take?
• Will this class prepare my child to take challenging math each year in high school?
• What math classes are offered in high school?
• What math classes will my child be ready to take in high school?
• How many students are in each math class?
• When are schedules made for the next year? How are families involved?
• What technology is available for students in math classes?
• What is the background and experience of the math teachers at our school?
• Does our school have a math club?

• When and how will I know if my child's having trouble? What should I do then?
• Is there any tutoring available before, during, or after school? on weekends?
• Do you offer help on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting? When?
• Is peer-tutoring available? If so, how does it work?
• Can you recommend any tutors outside of school?
• Where can we find more problems to use for practice?
• Are there resources listed in the text book or anywhere else that would help?
• Is there a Homework Hotline we can use?
• Do you know any math websites we can visit?
• Does our school offer programs for catching-up or enrichment?
• Does our school participate in any math competitions or contests?
• Do nearby colleges or universities offer any enrichment programs?

Pragmatic approach in learning

If you don't recognize the math in your child's homework, think about how the world has changed since you were in school. The math looks different because the world is different. For instances, the approach of using diagrams or models in solving problem sums is something new to me.

I felt embarrassed when my son asked me to help in a problem that required the use of the model approach. I told my son that I really had no idea in what he was talking about. He replied" Have you forgotten what you have learnt at primary school? Were you paying attention in class?"He was using some of my oft-comments about him on me. But I promised him to find out more about this approach and bring myself up to speed to do problem solving with him. I did that not because I thought I could do a better job than professional tutor. Rather, I was trying to involve myself in his learning activities to encourage him.He has his own tutor in mathematics.

There was a learning point for me in that episode. Advances in science, technology, information processing and communication, combined with the changing workplace, make it necessary for all students to learn more math. The parameters are changing. Basic skills, although important, are no longer enough. New approaches to learning are necessary. Business and industry demand workers who can solve real world problems explain their thinking to others identify and analyze trends from data, and use modern technology.

Instead of worksheets, your child may bring home problems to investigate that are related to real life tasks. These include working out the total cost of grocery shopping mentally. Figuring out the unit cost of items bought. Planning what to buy with a given budget etc.

Preparing for Examinations - Be Cool!

Semestral Assessment 2 is around the corner. Parents and students alike are franctically trying to cover as much as possible in preparation for the examinations. Some could be well prepared so they can afford to relax a little. But the majority would burn the 'midnight oil' trying to cram in as much as possible. A trademark of Singaporeans in doing the best and nothing less.

It's good to be concerned about taking a test. It's not good to get "test anxiety." This is excessive worry about doing well on a test and it can mean disaster for a student. Students who suffer from test anxiety tend to worry about success in school, especially doing well on tests. They worry about the future, and are extremely self-critical. Instead of feeling challenged by the prospect of success, they become afraid of failure. This makes them anxious about tests and their own abilities. Ultimately, they become so worked up that they feel incompetent about the subject matter or the test.
It does not help to tell the child to relax, to think about something else, or stop worrying. But there are ways to reduce test anxiety. Encourage your child to do these things:

1. Space studying over days or weeks. (Real learning occurs through studying that takes place over a period of time.) Understand the information and relate it to what is already known. Review it more than once. (By doing this, the student should feel prepared at exam time.)
2. Don't "cram" the night before--cramming increases anxiety which interferes with clear thinking. Get a good night's sleep. Rest, exercise, and eating well are as important to test-taking as they are to other schoolwork.
3. Read the directions carefully when the teacher hands out the test. If you don't understand them, ask the teacher to explain.
   Look quickly at the entire examination to see what types of questions are included (multiple choice, matching, true/ false, essay) and, if possible, the number of points for each. This will help you pace yourself.
4. If you don't know the answer to a question, skip it and go on. Don't waste time worrying about it. Mark it so you can identify it as unanswered. If you have time at the end of the exam, return to the unanswered question(s).

Activities to encourage a child to write

Your child needs to do real writing. It's more important for the child to write a letter to a relative than it is to write a one-line note on a greeting card. Encourage the child to write e-mails to relatives and friends. Perhaps your child would enjoy corresponding with friends at school through the e-mail.

Encourage your child to take notes on trips or outings and to describe what (s)he saw. This could include a description of nature walks, a boat ride, a car trip, or other events that lend themselves to note-taking.

Talk with your child as much as possible about his/her impressions and encourage the child to describe people and events to you. If the child's description is especially accurate and colorful, say so.

Keeping a journal is an excellent writing practice as well as a good outlet for venting feelings. Encourage your child to write about things that happen at home and school, about people (s)he likes or dislikes and why, things to remember or things the child wants to do. Especially encourage your child to write about personal feelings--pleasures as well as disappointments. If the child wants to share the journal with you, read the entries and discuss them--especially the child's ideas and perceptions.

My son has a blog on his favourite cartoon character Ben 10. He requested me to create an account for him. What he has been writing about different aliens and their supernatural powers. Apart from enjoying this activity, he is also becoming more competent in putting his thoughts and feelings into words.

There are also numerous games and puzzles that help a child to increase vocabulary and make the child more fluent in speaking and writing. Remember, building a vocabulary builds confidence. Try crossword puzzles, word games, anagrams and cryptograms de- signed especially for children. Flash cards are good, too, and they're easy to make at home. My son loves Boggle because it is simpler and easier to play as compared to other word games like Scrabble.

There was a game that I learned from my son. He picked it up from his school. It is called the "Hangman". Played with 2 players and a white board, one would write a word with missing letters on the baord and the other must attempt to guess what these missing letters were. Each mistake will result in one part of a human body being drawn starting from the head. Once the entire outline of a human is completed, it is considered hanged and the one guessing the missing letters lose the game.

Most children like to make lists just as they like to count. Encourage this. Making lists is good practice and helps a child to become more organized. Boys and girls might make lists of their records, tapes, baseball cards, dolls, furniture in a room, etc. They could include items they want. It's also good practice to make lists of things to do, schoolwork, dates for tests, social events, and other reminders.

Writing well

Writing is more than putting words on paper. It's a final stage in the complex process of communicating that begins with "thinking." Writing is an especially important stage in communication, the intent being to leave no room for doubt. Has any country ratified a verbal treaty?

One of the first means of communication for your child is through drawing. Do encourage the child to draw and to discuss his/her drawings. Ask questions: What is the boy doing? Does the house look like ours? Can you tell a story about this picture?

Most children's basic speech patterns are formed by the time they enter school. By that time children speak clearly, recognize most letters of the alphabet, and may try to write. Show an interest in, and ask questions about, the things your child says, draws, and may try to write.
Writing well requires:

1. Clear thinking. Sometimes the child needs to have his/her memory refreshed about a past event in order to write about it.
   Sufficient time. Children may have `stories in their heads' but need time to think them through and write them down. School class periods are often not long enough.
2. Reading. Reading can stimulate a child to write about his/her own family or school life. If your child reads good books, (s)he will be a better writer.
3. A Meaningful Task. A child needs meaningful, not artificial writing tasks. You'll find suggestions for such tasks in the section, "Things To Do."
4. Interest. All the time in the world won't help if there is nothing to write, nothing to say. Some of the reasons for writing include: sending messages, keeping records, expressing feelings, or relaying information.
5. Practice. And more practice.
6. Revising. Seeing what they can do to make it clearer, more descriptive, more concise, etc.

Active Learning

It is important to instill a desire in children to expand their knowledge by actively participating in learning. There are at least 2 situations to illustrate active learning.

Firstly, children are by nature inquisitive and like to ask questions. This should be encourage as asking and answering questions, solving problems and exploring interests help develop a habit to find out more about something. Active learning takes place when your child plays sports, spends time with friends, acts in a school play, plays a musical instrument or visits museums and bookstores. To promote active learning, listen to your child's ideas and respond to them. Let him jump in with questions and opinions when you read books together. When you encourage this type of give-and-take at home, your child's participation and interest in school is likely to increase.

Secondly, when a child reads up school texts, it helps the child to focus on the topic if he does active learning like taking notes, drawing charts, maps, diagrams etc. to organise facts and remember them. Visual and kinesthetic learners benefit most from these activities. The brain becomes more engaged to facilitate the complex processes of sifting and sorting out information read and translate this into diagrams and notes. This will promote concentration, better understanding and retention of the study materials.

Importance of Talking and Listening to Your Child

Talking and listening play major roles in children's school success. It's through hearing parents and family members talk and through responding to that talk that young children begin to pick up the language skills they will need if they are to do well. For example, children who don't hear a lot of talk and who aren't encouraged to talk themselves often have problems learning to read, which can lead to other school problems. In addition, children who haven't learned to listen carefully often have trouble following directions and paying attention in class.

Think of talking with your child as being like a tennis game with words—instead of a ball—bouncing back and forth. Find time to talk any place, for example: As you walk with your child or ride with her in a car or on a bus, talk with her about what she's doing at school. Ask her to tell you about a school assembly or a field trip. Point out and talk about things that you see as you walk—funny signs, new cars, interesting people. As you shop in a store, talk with your child about prices, differences in brands and how to pick out good vegetables and fruit. Give your child directions about where to find certain items, then have him go get them.

Helping Your Child Succeed in School

Every child has the power to succeed in school and in life and every parent, family member and caregiver can help. The question is: How can we help our children succeed? The answer comes from a combination of common sense and research about how children learn and about how to prepare them to learn. We know, for example, that children tend to do the same things as their parents do. What we say and do in our daily lives can help them to develop positive attitudes toward school and learning and to build confidence in themselves as learners. Showing our children that we both value education and use it in our daily lives provides them with powerful models and contributes greatly to their success in school. As our children's first and most important teacher, it's important that all parents build and keep strong ties to our children's schools. When parents and families are involved in their children's schools, the children do better and have better feelings about going to school. We help our children to succeed by working with teachers to make sure that they provide curricula and use teaching methods that works in helping students to learn.

Create sustainable interest in learning

Show your child that the skills he is learning are an important part of the things he will do as an adult. Let him see you reading books, newspapers and computer screens; writing reports, letters, e-mails and lists; doing mental sums to find out the cost of groceries or to measure for new carpeting; doing other things that require thought and effort.

Tell your child about what you do at work. Help your child to use everyday routines to support the skills he is learning-for example, teach him to play word and math games; help him to look up information about things in which he is interested-singers, athletes, cars, space travel and so forth; and talk with him about what he sees and hears as the two of you walk through the neighborhood, go shopping at the mall or visit a zoo or museum.

Make time to take your child to the library to check out materials needed for homework (and for enjoyment) and read with your child as often as you can. Talk about school and learning activities in family conversations. Ask your child what was discussed in class that day. If she doesn't have much to say, try another approach. For example, ask her to read aloud a story she wrote or to talk about what she found out from a science experiment. Attend school activities, such as parent-teacher conferences, plays, concerts, open houses and sports events. If you can, volunteer to help in your child's classroom or at special events. Getting to know some of your child's classmates and their parents builds a support network for you and your child.

Regular Time To Do Homework

Having a regular time to do homework helps children to finish assignments. The best schedule is one that works for your child and your family. What works well in one household may not work in another. Of course, a good schedule depends in part on your child's age as well as her specific needs. For instance, one child may do homework best in the afternoon, completing homework first or after an hour of play and another may do it best after dinner. However, don't let your child leave homework to do just before bedtime. Your child's outside activities, such as sports or music lessons, may mean that you need a flexible homework schedule. Your child may study after school on some days and after dinner on others. If there isn't enough time to finish homework, your child may need to drop some outside activity. Let her know that homework is a high priority.

You'll need to work with your lower primary school child to develop a schedule. An older student can probably make up a schedule independently, although you'll want to make sure that it's a workable one. You may find it helpful to write out his schedule and put it in a place where you'll see it often, such as on the refrigerator door. Some families have a required amount of time that their children must devote to homework or some other learning activities each school night (the length of time can vary depending upon the child's age). For instance, if your upper primary child knows she's expected to spend an hour doing homework, reading or completing a school project, she may be less likely to rush through assignments so that she can watch TV. A required amount of time may also discourage her from 'forgetting' to bring home assignments and help her adjust to a routine.

Work with teachers

Learn every thing that you can about your child's school. The more you know, the easier your job as a parent will be. Ask for a school handbook. This will answer many questions that will arise over the year. If your child's school doesn't have a handbook, ask questions. Ask the principal and teachers, for example:

• Any kind of special classes the school offers?
• How does the school measure student progress?
• What are the school's rules and regulations?
• Ask about specific teaching methods and materials. Are the methods based on evidence about what works best in teaching reading or math for those with learning disabilities?
• Ask if the school has a website and, if so, get the address. School websites can provide you with ready access to all kinds of information--schedules of events, names of people to contact, rules and regulations and so forth.
• Keep informed throughout the school year. If your schedule permits, attend PTA or PTO meetings. If you are unable to attend, ask that the minutes of the meetings be sent to you. Or find out if the school makes these minutes available on its website.

I have personally found doing one or more of those listed above useful in helping my son. Like others with LD, my son quite frequently forgets what he needs to bring to school, homework to be handed up, forms to be signed, schedules etc.

Long term retention

Researchers at the University of Florida at San Diego found that cramming in facts for examinations will help in long term retention of what was learned. Results of their investigations indicate that if studying is spaced out over longer duration, long term recall is facilitated. Tests conducted by them showed that those who crammed and overlearned a topic did better in the short term over others who did not. However, after several weeks, there was no visible differences.

Chunking is one technique commonly advocated by experts to facilitate studying. By breaking up materials in small chunks, it was found that students could understand and master the materials more quickly. With periodic review of what was learned, long term retention improved significantly.

As such, it does make sense to study on a regular basis rather than doing it at the very last minute before the examinations.

Successful men and women have learning disabilities too

Being diagnosed as having some form of learning disability can be disheartening. But people with LD are anything but born losers. Quite a number became very successful in their careers of their choice. For example, did you know that Albert Einstein couldn't read until he was nine? Yet this great man developed the theory of relativity that invalidated some of the physical laws discovered by another great scientist Isaac Newton.

Some of the great leaders have trouble reading all their lives. Yet not only did they overcome their disability but they went on to do great things for their nations. Prime Minister Winston Churchill of the United Kingdom had dyslexia so was the Vice President of the United States of America Nelson Rockfeller and yet they provide excellent leadership to these two great nations. The famous military leader General George Patton had reading problem as well but this did not deter him from becoming one of the most prominent military personality of his time.

Business leaders have a fair share of dyslexics too. Walt Disney and Charles Schwab are examples of people with learning abilities that built up large corporations to support the lives of hundreds if not thousands of their employees.

Whoopi Goldberg, Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise all have the common defect in reading. It was said that Tom Cruise learned his lines by getting someone to read the script to him and he memorise them- no mean feat. He must have a supersized memory.

The most intriguing example of LD suffers made good is Hans Christian Anderson, a famous creator of fairy tales. It was said that Christian Anderson had both dyslexia and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). The irony is that she ended up as a writer and able to weave fantastic tales for children all over the world. Nothing short of a miracle.

The bottom line is that being diagnosed with LD is not a life sentence to misery nor will a person with LD be condemned as abnormal with a doomed future. All is not lost. With self-determination and the belief that one has the strength to overcome the symptoms of LD and excel, the sky will the limit.

Special Needs Officers Scheme

In May 2005, Ministry of Education (MOE) Singapore announced the Special Needs Officer Scheme or the SNO Scheme to provide support for students with mild to moderate Dyslexia and Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in mainstream schools and to help them integrate better with their school community. Considerable progress has been made since then.

The MOE reported that as at Sept 2007, 130 SNOs have been deployed to 103 schools (80 primary schools and 23 secondary schools). By 2010, there will be at least 140 SNOs providing support for students with dyslexia, and 96 SNOs to support students with autism. These SNOs will provide in-class support, small group specialised remedial work and skills training for students with dyslexia and autism. They complement the support that class teachers provide to these students.

In addition, MOE recognises the need to support students with other special learning difficulties, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, speech and language difficulties. Therefore, up to 10% of the teaching staff in all schools will be trained to better support students with other special needs in their respective schools. This in-service training commenced in June 2005 and is expected to be completed in 2010.

This is a piece of wonderful news. With more trained manpower, those who have learning disabilities can get help at their very own school to integrate with mainstream students. Nevertheless, where resources permit, MOE should also consider mounting publicity campaigns to create greater awareness among the parents on learning disabilities so that they are better informed to deal with such matters.

Source:Ministry of Education

Teaching a child to read

Essentially language is made up of sounds represented by symbols called the alphabets that are stringed together to form words and sentences. So it is essential to work on the sounds of the letters and relate them to the sounds of the words. This is the foundation of reading.

For someone like my son whose attention span is short, I have to make up stories using alphabets, reading rhymes and singing songs to get him interested. Fortunately, he seemed to enjoy such 'learning' sessions. Also, such sessions enable us to develop a stronger bond.

As my son easily forgets what he have learned, I would cluster words together so that these form a pattern such it will facilitate him in recalling the words e.g. fall, ball, tall etc. I would also play word games with him so that he could make use the words he had learned recently. When we eat out or shop, I would sound out some of the words of the signages, bill boards, menu etc. I would also encourage him to do the same.

With concerted effort and patience, he has made some progress. He is been able to read and spell a little. Although his development lags behind others, I am glad that he is improving.

Helping out with Schoolwork

Tips in helping out in schoolwork:

(1) Show a keen interest
It is necessary to show a keen interest in your child's homework. For example, asking about which subject he liked most and any work that he needs to complete. Asking the child to write down the assignments given the teacher(s) in a notebook will help monitoring homework.

(2) Set a regular time frame for homework
Help your child organize homework materials before beginning. Establish a regular time with your child to do homework-developing a schedule helps avoid procrastination. Find a specific place for your child to do homework that has lots of light, quiet, and plenty of work space. Encourage your child to ask questions and search for answers, taking the time to figure out correct answers. Make sure your child backs up answers with facts and evidence.

(3) Relate schoolwork with everyday life
Relate what was covered in school to your child's everyday life. This will create an inquisitive mind to probe furhter by reading up or asking others like parents, teachers, older siblings etc for clarifications. Also, take the opportunity to read a book or newspaper and avoid switching on the television as this will distract your child.

(4) Praise
Praise your child for both the small steps and big leaps in the right direction. This will encourage the child to develop and improve further.

Dyslexia: Signs and symptoms

Dyslexia is a complex problem which is not easily detected especially pre-school children. Often symptoms become visible only when a child starts school. Some of the common symptoms are described in below by Mayo Clinic.

According to Mayo Clinic: "Children with dyslexia commonly have problems processing and understanding what they hear. They may have difficulty comprehending rapid instructions, following more than one command at a time or remembering the sequence of things. Reversals of letters (b for d) and a reversal of words (saw for was) are typical among children who have dyslexia. Reversals are also common for children age 6 and younger who don't have dyslexia. But with dyslexia, the reversals persist. Children with dyslexia may fail to see (and occasionally to hear) similarities and differences in letters and words, may not recognize the spacing that organizes letters into separate words, and may be unable to sound out the pronunciation of an unfamiliar word."

As mentioned above, even children without dyslexia may exhibit symptoms from time to time, especially those 6 years old or younger. So do not be unduly concerned and it may well worth to have those suspected with this problem to be evaluated by professionals. Early intervention will help those afflicted with this problem to better cope with the additional challenges they face at schoool which include emotional and social difficulties. They will have rough at school with other children calling them names making them retreating into their own world. Teachers who may not be aware of the difficulties faced by dyslexics may attribute their poor performance at school for not putting in effort and do their work like other children. It can be quite counter-productive.

When in doubt, check it out. In Singapore, you may contact the Dyslexic Association of Singapore (DAS) and a host of other private organisations that could offer assistance in assessing and managing dyslexia.The following are useful links:

www.disability.org.sg
www.das.org.sg
www.moe.gov.sg/esp/schadm/sec1/Ref%20I.pdf

Learning Disabilities

Many of the learning disabilities are caused by the way the brain works. Although we see with our eyes and hear with our ears, smell with our noses and taste with our tongues, we perceive with our brains. People with learning diabilities tend to interpret visual and auditory signals differently. For instance, instead of reading the alphabet as 'b' as visually seen, the brain interprets it as 'd'. There also those with difficulties in making the sense out certain words or sounds they hear. These create confusion and a host of obstacles for a person with learning disability to learn.

There are many common types of learning disability. Perhaps the most commonly talked about disorder is dyslexia. People with dyslexia not only have problems with reading and writing but with spelling as well. People with this difficulty often have a hard time trying to figure the shape of the letters and most time reverse the order of the letters arranged in a word. Other types of common learning disorders include Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), developmental articulation disorder, developmental arithmetic disorder and developmental language disorder.

Learning disabilities affect between 5% to 20% of a nation. While there is not cure for learning disorders, the key to managing them is to understand the difficulties faced by a person that has one or more of the difficulties and help him/her with the challenges of everyday life.